Marital Therapy - Her orgasms

When you get sexually aroused your vagina becomes wetter, which makes it smooth and slippery. With more stimulation, you could climax (orgasm).

This is important because it makes it easier to make love. If your vagina isn't wet, sex can be painful.

When you're aroused:

Your vagina becomes wetterYour clitoris begins to swell and grow largerYour pupils (the dark centre in your eyes) get biggerYour lips get redder or darkerYour heart beats fasterYour breathing speeds up and you may even make noisesYour nipples become harder and largerYour boobs may even grow larger

When you're really aroused, you might have an orgasm.

What happens when a woman has an orgasm?

When a woman has an orgasm, the pelvic floor muscles squeeze together rhythmically, tensing, and relaxing. Sometimes the womb contracts and relaxes, too.

This all gives an intensely pleasurable feeling in the pubic area, and some women feel it throughout their bodies.

Getting aroused

When you’re sexually aroused or turned on, your vagina becomes wet. The vaginal fluid or lubrication is smooth and slippery, which makes it easier for a penis or finger to glide inside. The color of vaginal fluid varies from clear to milky white.

Your breasts also change when you’re aroused. Often the nipples get more sensitive and become hard, or erect. Your mouth becomes more sensitive, and your lips look redder because there’s more blood flowing to them. Women often take longer to get aroused than men.

A few tips:

To become wet and ready for penetration you need to be really aroused. Relax and take the time for foreplay.When you make love, do whatever turns you on and feels nice. Or fantasise about things that turn you on.Use lubricant. It’s slippery and actually works just like your own moisture, so the penis can slip inside more easily. For more on lubricants, see wetter is better.

Multiple orgasms and squirting

Women can have more than one orgasm in a row, not long after each other. This is because the clitoris returns to its normal size within 15 seconds of having an orgasm, and then it’s ready for stimulation again. Men take longer to recover after they ejaculate.

Some women squirt out liquid when they have an orgasm. This is vaginal fluid, not urine. Kunyaza, a traditional sexual technique from Central Africa, can make women experience incredible squirting orgasms.

How can a woman have an orgasm?

For most women, intercourse alone isn’t enough to trigger an orgasm. This is because the vagina is relatively insensitive, and the penis going in and out of the vagina doesn’t usually stimulate the clitoris – the most sensitive part.

You’re more likely to have an orgasm if you make sure the clitoris is part of your lovemaking, for example by rubbing it with a finger or licking. You can also try fingering and oral sex.

Some women find it very difficult to have an orgasm or don’t experience them at all. But you can still enjoy having sex without having an orgasm, and it may become easier after more experience.

G-spot

The G-spot is an area the size of a coin on the front wall of the vagina, about three to five centimeters inside. For some women, it doesn’t give any special feeling, but for others, it’s extremely sensitive. You can stimulate it with your fingers, or with the penis in some sexual positions.

Keeping in step

Do you find that he comes more quickly than you do? That’s perfectly normal. Most men reach orgasm more quickly and easily than women. A couple of tips to help keep in step with each other: Take time to build up your lovemaking. And make clear to your partner what you like. Try to let go and just enjoy him touching you. You don’t always have to concentrate on him. He also finds it really arousing to see you enjoying his caresses.

Simultaneous orgasms

Did you both have an orgasm at the same time? You’ve been lucky! Usually, it’s not so easy to have a simultaneous orgasm. When you come, you’re usually thinking about yourself and not your partner. If you manage to come at the same time it’s nice, but it’s also exciting to come one after the other. You can pay more attention to your partner and enjoy seeing him or her having an orgasm.

Sensitive spots

Your whole body can give you pleasure, but certain areas feel particularly nice when they’re touched. For women, it’s the vulva and vagina, and certainly the clitoris. But your neck, arms, breasts, and buttocks are also sensitive.

Breasts and sex  

Female breasts, and especially the nipples, are sensitive to touch and can grow harder and larger when you’re aroused. The areola – the area around the nipple – swells up and becomes slightly darker, and the skin goes bumpy.

Many women like having their breasts and nipples touched during lovemaking. Your partner can use fingers, lips, tongue, or even teeth. When your breasts are touched you often feel it in your vagina, which gets moist. It can be particularly nice if your breasts and vulva are touched at the same time.

Afterplay

It’s nice to enjoy cuddling, caressing, and talking after making love. Afterplay is particularly important for women

HALI ILIVYO MARITAL THERAPY TEAM,Feel free to share with us your relationship experience.

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