5 Tips for Surviving Divorce

marriage.com Nov 21, 2019

Going through a divorce can take a toll on you mentally and physically.

You need to be prepared for the arduous journey that you will be on while going through the divorce process. It is easy to lose track of the rest of your life when you are focusing on the divorce and trying to maintain a normal life.

Here are 5 ways to survive your divorce and come out stronger than ever  

1. Take care of yourself

Going through divorce is going to drain you emotionally.

The stress can also affect your physical wellbeing. You need to take care of yourself during this process. You will need to get enough sleep, eat properly, exercise regularly, and try to get “you” time as much as possible.

If you are able to find outlets for your stress and treat yourself properly, you will have more energy and a better mindset.

If you focus on your mental and physical well being, you will also reduce the level at which you make decisions based upon emotions which results in more savvy decision making for your future security.

You should have a support team, which consists of a therapist and trusted friend, and avoid bottling up any anger, frustration, or sadness.

Choose an activity to immerse yourself into that you have never tried before in order to take your mind off of the day to day obstacles you may face during the divorce process.

Be mindful of your emotions and stress levels, start a gratitude practice and choose to be as positive as possible in order to take control of your decision making abilities and be an active participant in your divorce. 

2. Stay away from social media

Whatever you post on social media can be used against you.

It does not matter how many privacy features you have turned on, how secure your password is, or how many people that you have blocked, your posts may end up in the wrong hands. You should remove any negative posts about your partner, their attorney, the court, or anyone else involved in your divorce process and you should also remove anything that could potentially risk your visitation rights and custody rights in the future.

Depending on what state you are in, your social media posts are admissible as evidence in divorce and family law cases. In New York and New Jersey, your social media posts will be admissible as evidence and could be used against you.

Staying off of it completely will mitigate the risk of a post being brought up in court.

Also, most of what you see on social media is false information and through rose colored glasses. No one’s life is perfect, so do not spend all of your time depressing yourself by looking at other people’s posts making it seem that their life is when in fact it may be far from perfect. 

3. Take control of your finances

When going through a divorce you should have a plan, based upon an honest evaluation of your finances and needs, in order to ensure you will be able to support yourself during and after the divorce process.

You must become aware of your finances, bank account, credit card debts, your living expenses and the amount you and your family spend each month.

You will have to form a budget, determining how much you can spend on the divorce itself, taking into account that you and your ex will be dividing joint assets and you might have to move out of your current living situation.

This may seem like a tedious and difficult process, but it is quite possibly the most important step you can take to not only survive the divorce, but more importantly get a better outcome.

In taking control of your finances, you should open up a separate bank account if you do not already have one.

You can talk about your financial situation with your attorney. They have helped countless people get through the divorce process and can offer great advice. Having all of your financial plans laid for an attorney will not only lessen your stress levels but also decrease the amount of money you spend on representation.

Your attorney will not have to spend hours getting you financially organized and you will be better able to make appropriate and knowledgeable decisions. 

4. Form a tight knit support team

This is a great tip that should not be overlooked when you are going through a divorce. Do not overshare information about your divorce with everyone!

The people who love and care for you most are inevitably going to be the same individuals you turn to for support and advice while going through divorce. Unfortunately, those same people come with their own ideas and opinions and judgments of how a divorce process works, what you should do, how you should deal with emotions, and those opinions and ideas are of course biased in favor of you.

While, some such support can be healthy, it can also be dangerous.

You never want to make decisions based upon other people’s opinions, ideas, and divorce stories.

No two people, family members, friends, co-workers, divorcees share identical circumstances. Each divorce while having the same issues, does not have the same facts, circumstances, and factors at play.

It is strongly recommended that you form a tight knit support team but refrain from oversharing the aspects of your case with others.

5. Be an active participant in your divorce

It often seems that the easiest option to deal with a bad situation is to hide or avoid it all together.

Do not hide from your divorce rather be an active participant in the process. If you take all of these survival tips into account and take care of yourself, take control of your finances, and form a tight knit support team, you will be able to take on any hurdle that comes your way head on.

Do not avoid the inevitable, rather accept it and make sure you protect yourself and what you are entitled to.

If you have an attorney do not avoid their phone calls, do the tasks they request that you do as quickly and completely as possible, and respond to their requests for information.

Do some of your own research and ask questions, gain knowledge, and make sure you are aware of your rights and realistic expectations before compromising. Do not let the process pass you by and spit you out emotionally, mentally and financially wiped out.

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She has been focused solely on family, divorce, and matrimonial law for over 15 years and practices in New Jersey and New York. She has been named Top 10 under 40 from the National Academy of Family Law Attorneys and top 40 under 40 family lawyers in the state of New York for 2016.